27 February 2011

Tentang Menunggu

kau pernah ajari aku
kalau hujan bukan untuk diraba,
tapi untuk dirasa
saat itu kau suruh aku pejamkan mata
dan mengulurkan tangan keluar jendela
saat itu hujan sedang deras luar biasa
kau suruh aku rasakan nada-nada
detak-detak hujan, katamu saat itu
kau suruh aku bebaskan pikiran
katamu aku orang yang rentan
dan kau tahu apa, saat itu apa kau kata benar adanya
aku merasa bebas,
aku sungguh merasa lepas
tapi sayang sungguh faktanya,
kau tak pernah tahu apa kurasa.

kau pernah ajari aku
kalau udara bukan hanya untuk dihirup
hanya itu katamu tidak hidup
kau bicara bahwa aku bisa membaui udara
lalu aku bisa bedakan mana oksigen dan karbon dioksida
kau juga berkata oksigen adalah untuk ku bernapas
seperti layaknya padi pada kapas
seperti layaknya tinta pada kertas
kau ajari aku hirup udara
selayaknya akau harus lepas derita
hei, tahukah kamu,
ketika kita bersama habiskan waktu,
sangat mudah rasanya itu.
semudah aku bernapas,
semudah tertawa lepas,
seperti yang kau ajarkan tempo hari
bahwa aku harus belajar menertawai diri sendiri
bahwa aku jangan terlalu kaku,
harus santai bawa hidupku,
harus maju bawa kakiku
dan tahukah kamu,
setelah itu pandanganku pada dunia jadi berubah
semua jadi terasa lebih indah
seperti embun pada daun-daun basah
sayang kau tak pernah tahu apa-apa kurasa setelah itu,
segala-gala dalam isi hatiku.

kau pernah ajari aku bagaimana cara merindu
bagaimana seseorang dapat berharga
bagaimana seseorang ubah lainnya
kau ajari aku untuk lanjutkan hidup
bagaimana tidak menyerah,
bagaimana tidak pasrah
kau ajari aku merasa, membau, bernapas, merindu
namun setelah itu,
adakah kau tahu dalam hatiku?

kau pernah berkata:
oksigen untukku bernapas,
lalu kubisa tertawa lepas,
bersama burung dan anai-anai topas.
suaramu selembut sutera,
ajari aku untuk bicara.
tapi kau tak pernah tahu apa kurasa.

21 February 2011

Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart.

How could you tell if something is about to start, but you don't know how to make it happen? I couldn't. It just happened - we don't really see as it were approaching. We could feel it, but sometimes we don't. And you know what, it feels so weird to have a strange feeling like this. Sometimes I feel like I wanna quit, but on the other hand I want to stay. I'm dizzy. I can't think clearly. And suddenly my world is full of him. Waaaaa :((

Well, I met this guy two years ago on our church event. He was quite and cool at that time. But time goes by and we became a good friend. He's totally insane. Crazy, silly, stupid (sometimes), funny, just like me. We love to do something silly, we love to hanging around, we love to take some beautiful pictures, we both have the same interests. Don't you think that we are so perfect, just like soul mate? No! Actually we are two different pole of the earth. So much distinction. A lot of incompatibilities. But we don't care about that. We share and fixing away every flaw.  We argue and tolerate. We cry and we laugh. We fight sometimes, and reconsiliate. We don't care about differences between us. We just happy together. As good friends.

But things are changing.. Somehow I realize how our feelings have transformed into another kind of emotion. Not the same feeling like when we first met. We care and love each other, but it's never be same again. There is passion, anxiety, curiosity, and jealousy. There is something between us that we don't know how to tell. Our friendship has transformed into something called love. I know we both feel it. But we're too shy to say what we feel inside. Is it bother you with worries about your own feelings? 

If only I could change the time and make sure that everything's on the right place.  Our journey was so wonderful that we (probably) didn't want to write another story, our own story. We're too cozy with our place right now - too shy to tell, too afraid to make a start. But I'm tired with this.. And deep down in my heart, I knew I always want to make another story. Find our own road. It should always keep intriguing, so every moment I will need to ask, how about you? do you feel the same? do you love me? do you love me today?

And I don't know how to answer these questions.  

If only I could find my way to the ocean
I'm already there with you
If somewhere down the line we will never get to meet
I'll always wait for you after the rain
(after the rain - adhitia sofyan)

There's always a rainbow after the rain.
Just wait.