28 May 2013

After The Funeral


25 Mei 2013. Timeline twitter heboh dengan berita batalnya Lockstock Music Festival dikarenakan fee pengisi acara dibawa kabur panitia. Puluhan ribu caci maki menghiasi timeline, menyalahkan sang ketua panitia yang membawa kabur uang pembayaran pengisi acara. Kejam memang, meski kita belum tahu bagaimana kejadian sebenarnya. Tetapi sesuatu yang bernama isu yang berujung makian, yang dilakukan oleh ratusan bahkan jutaan orang memang kejam. Yes, mass is cruel.

26 Mei 2013. Timeline kembali heboh dengan kabar bahwa ketua panitia Lockstock meninggal akibat bunuh diri. Banyak yang menyalahkan. Menganggap hal tersebut adalah ganjaran yang pantas untuk sesorang yang melarikan uang segitu banyaknya. Sekali lagi, mencaci dan memaki memang lebih mudah keluar dari mulut seseorang. And once again, mass is cruel.

*berita lengkapnya bisa dilihat disini.

***

Kabar duka itu menabrak saya tiba-tiba disaat senja berakhir di peraduannya. Sebuah telepon masuk ke handphone saya disaat saya sedang berkutat dengan tepung dan adonan. Sebuah berita duka tentang kematian Mas Bobby Yoga Cahyadi alias Mas Kebo alias Mas Gogo yang merupakan kakak dari teman baik saya. Yang paling mengejutkan lagi adalah, Mas Gogo adalah ketua panitia Lockstock yang semalaman dihujat oleh jutaan pengguna twitter. Oh my God.

Saat itulah saya terdiam cukup lama. It made me think. Ketika ada salah seorang teman atau keluarga teman yang meninggal, di saat itu pula kita akan tersadar bahwa, we are not invincible. Saya selalu menganggap bahwa kematian hanya terjadi pada orang-orang dengan usia senja. Nggak mungkin seseorang akan mati umur dua puluh atau tiga puluh tahun. Too young! Dan sekarang, setelah mendengar berita tersebut, saya benar-benar tersadar bahwa "No, you are not invincible. It could be you. We never know". Umur seseorang nggak ada yang tahu akan berakhir di angka berapa.

Apalagi dengan cara seperti yang dilakukan Mas Gogo.

Saya memang tidak mengenal beliau secara dekat. Kami sempat bertemu dua kali pada Tahun Baru 2013 dan saat misa Rabu Abu Paskah kemarin. Kami tidak pernah mengobrol, bahkan mungkin tidak saling mengetahui nama masing-masing. Saya hanya mengetahui bahwa ia adalah kakak dari Renda, teman saya. 

Esoknya, saya datang ke pemakamannya.

Dan sewaktu saya datang ke rumahnya, ada teman-teman saya juga disana. Di antara teman-teman saya yang datang, ada yang nggak terlalu kenal. Ada yang mengenal sejak kecil. Ada yang teman sekelas. Ada yang teman sekampus. Ada yang pernah bekerjasama dengan Mas Gogo dalam sebuah event. Bermacam-macam orang datang kesana dan mereka memiliki satu kesamaan: they wanted to see him for the last time. They want to say goodbye. Mereka menyayangkan mengapa hidupnya harus selesai secepat itu.

Saya duduk di luar, bersama ratusan pelayat yang lain. Ada yang bilang "Sayang banget ya, padahal orangnya baik." Banyak pula yang menyayangkan mengapa ia harus mengakhiri hidupnya dengan menabrakkan diri ke kereta api yang melaju kencang. I know we shouldn’t talk about the dead pas lagi ngelayat. But I can’t help it. Menurut cerita orang-orang, Mas Gogo memang merupakan sosok yang berani dan penuh semangat. Rela berjuang dan teguh. Ia juga merupakan sosok yang sangat peduli dengan anak muda.

Duduk di antara pelayat-pelayat itu, I can’t help to wonder: gimana ya pemakaman saya nanti? Apa banyak yang datang? Apa ada yang datang? Apa yang mereka bakal bilang tentang saya? Apa kenangan yang mereka inget tetang saya? Apa ada yang rela nyetir mobil, susah-susah parkir, untuk ngeliat saya untuk terakhir kali ya? Apa iya, ada?

Kita hidup di dunia seakan-akan kematian tidak exist. Kita makan, belajar, bermain, jalan-jalan, nonton, pacaran, tanpa sekalipun punya pemikiran bahwa suatu saat nanti kita akan mati. We forget about death. Sampai akhirnya pada pemakaman Mas Gogo saya tersadar bahwa kita tidak pernah tahu kapan kita akan meninggal, dengan cara apa, dan bagaimana kita meninggal. Bayi yang belum lahir bisa saja meninggal, bagaimana dengan kita. Semua orang bisa meninggal setiap saat, tanpa kita tahu sebelumnya. God has His own plan.

Pulang dari pemakaman, saya merasa kecil. I have to make something out of life. Badan ini dipinjamkan. Setiap tarikan napas, adalah satu tarikan napas lagi mendekati kematian. Kita harus membuat lebih banyak karya, lebih banyak menikmati hidup, lebih banyak mengambil kesempatan. Hidup ini cuma sekali. Akan sangat sayang untuk kita buang begitu aja. I have to enjoy life.

Dan mungkin suatu hari nanti saya akan mati, tapi saya pengen membuat sesuatu yang nggak bakal mati.

Terlepas dari cara ia meninggal, Mas Gogo pasti meninggalkan banyak kenangan di hati orang yang mengenalnya. Ia sudah berbuat banyak. Aksinya menjadi inspirasi bagi banyak orang. Sifatnya yang pemberani menjadi bukti bahwa ia adalah pelita yang selalu menyala. Kepeduliannya terhadap anak muda adalah wujud semangatnya yang membara.

Selamat jalan, Mas Gogo. Tuhan besertamu.

Turut berduka cita yang sedalam-dalamnya untuk Keluarga Besar Pak Paryadi. Mas Gogo sudah tiada, tapi semangatnya selalu ada. Ia akan selalu ada di hati semua orang yang mengenalnya. Semoga keluarga diberi ketabahan....

21 May 2013

"Don't Make Excuses For Him. You Can't Put Flowers In An Asshole And Call It A Vase"



This picture was found on my Facebook earlier today. I know, I know Facebook has become a bit of a cunt filled land of stupid pictures lately. Such as the seemingly morality filling “Oh, look at this dude, he lost his legs in the war. Press like to magically make them grow back, or keep scrolling if you hate HEROES!” By the way I know the whole “Ohhh you're not my real friend” pun at the start of this post was a joke, but if you've ever 'liked' one of these pictures and felt as if you've positively contributed to the world, then I'm pretty sure our friendship has indeed reached its limit.

When it comes to the issue of friendship, it really is a very sensitive and important issue to me because I am someone who really treasures my friends. If I dare to open my mouth and call someone a friend, then that person truly is my friend. Lots of people have had are are still having problems with the issue of friendship. Me, Myself and I inclusive. People want to know who a real friend is and who a fake friend is. What I feel is that we have a big problem with what it means to have and be a friend. First of all I would love to make this simple statement very clear, which is the fact that in order to have a friend, you MUST be a friend. Some of us have problems being real friends to people while we expect others to be real to us. Sorry to burst your bubble but it doesn't work that way. You NEED a real friend, then BE a real  friend. Whatever you sow, you reap. Simple as ABC!!!! Okay, I won't deny the fact that some people have actually been good friends to others and have ended up being hurt by those people. That's the other side of life, where you get to meet the good, the bad and the ugly. If you are in such a category, I definitely well know that the number of real friends you have, would be more than the fake so please do not stress your pretty or handsome self being worried about those fake friends who ain't worth it.

Now what does friendship really mean? The dictionary defines a friend as a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. In addition to this dictionary definition, I would like to add that a real friend to me is someone who:
  • A fake friend will expect you to drop everything for her if disaster strikes, but will brush you off if the same thing happens to you. A real friend is there for you just as much as you’re there for her.
  • A real friend makes time for you because she genuinely adores hanging out with you. A fake friend will only make plans with you if her other, “better” plans fall through. (PS: You’re totally better than her other plans!)
  • A real friend will help you look your hottest for a big night out. A fake friend will help you look hot—as long as she thinks she looks hotter.
  • If a fake friend asks you to help her move, she makes you do all the heavy lifting and then refuses to lift a finger when you ask her for the same favor in return. A real friend not only helps you move unasked, but also helps you pick out the best color paint for your walls—and has a painting party with you to get the work done!
  • If you say you need some space, a real friend will give it to you. A fake friend will either crowd your or start bad-mouthing you behind your back—or both.
  • A real friend will encourage you in your dreams, no matter how crazy they sound. A fake friend will tell you, “That sounds great! But ….” and subtly sow seeds of doubt.
  • When you’ve broken up with a guy, a real friend will volunteer immediately to come over with ice cream, Kleenex and booze. A fake friend will suggest you calm down.
  • A real friend will lend you her expensive bag when you’ve got a big event coming up unasked. A fake friend will tell you where you can buy one like it.
  • A fake friend loves to hear all about your failures and disappointments. A real friend gives you a shoulder to cry on, but then reminds you about all the great things you’ve done — and will go on to do.
  • A fake friend is someone in your heart you know you wouldn’t miss if you never saw her again. A real friend? She’s the one you hope will grow old with you so you can be crazy little old ladies playing gin rummy and drinking martinis together!

I don't think it should be that difficult to be a good and real friend to someone. The truth is I know girls have more problems with this than guys. I really cannot explain why 100% but I think it's safe to say that, that was just how we were created. But to be honest, I don't see any reason why ladies would not be real friends to themselves. I think it's just a big matter of immaturity. No more, No less. Whatever other reason you would love to give to me, I put it to you that embedded somewhere is the issue of maturity. I would know because I am a lady and I have been there. I have sat myself down and analysed every failed friendship I have had with my female friends and discovered that there were large atoms of immaturity in those failed friendships either on my path or on the path of my ex-friends (Hope am allowed to call them that). When you are matured both Physically, Spiritually, Mentally, Emotionally and Everynally. Anyway, what I was trying to say is that when you are matured in all these levels, you will definitely be and have a real friend.


We cannot survive without friends because man is not an island. In one way or the other you will always need someone to depend on. So go out and be a real friend to someone today in order to have one for yourself too. Always remember that. 
Many people will walk in and out of your heart, but only a few will leave a footprint and those few are what we call real friends
Are you?



18 May 2013

How To: Wear Vintage





Vintage clothing has long been a passion of mine, the perfect option for when you want to feel unique and stand out from the crowd. But wearing vintage in a way that makes a chic statement without going overboard can be tough. I'm usually aiming for early days Carrie Bradshaw but admittedly can sometimes end up dressed like Hannah from Girls. I've been envious of Clara Devi's ability to put together the perfect outfit - eye poppingly gorgeous vintage pieces mixed with classic high street items and the perfect accessories. Cases in point: how to wear camo, mastering the crop and adding a pop of neon. Wearing vintage in your everyday life to this effect is a serious skill. Well, today I'm not only tell but show you how we too can make it work in our vintage wear.

Tips for Wearing Vintage

1. Decide your best assets
My number one rule when wearing vintage is know your body shape. What looks good on one person may not necessarily look good on another. It's so important, especially with vintage, that you wear what you know looks good on you. You might have a small waist so be sure to choose piece that highlight this. Or you may have a curvier figure so prefer to wear something long and flowy. Get to know your body and your best assets and it will make styling vintage clothing a whole lot easier.

2. Stay true
I’m a sucker for colors and interesting prints, the bigger and brighter the better, but I understand not everyone feels the same way. We all have our own sense of style and unique taste which should reflect our choice in vintage clothing as well. Stay true to your style and keep in mind shapes, cuts and colors that work for you or even a particular material you like to wear such as silk, denim, crochet or lace.

3. If the shoe fits
So many times I’ve bought a piece of vintage clothing or held onto it just because ‘I had to have it’ even though it wasn’t quite the right fit. There’s something about wearing vintage clothing when it’s a little too big or not the right shape and it just looks too obvious and a bit silly. When you’re styling vintage make sure it absolutely fits you perfectly. Or only purchase it if you’re a wiz with the sewing machine and can easily adjust it to your measurements – and commit to making those updates.



4. Be inspired
Stay up to date with current trends by what you’re seeing in magazines, on blogs or your favourite fashion websites or even Pinterest. Trends come in and out and it’s good to keep in mind what current styles, colours, textures and prints are popular as it can make the process of buying and wearing vintage a lot more fun.

5. Back to basics
Buying or wearing vintage for the first time can be a little daunting. Where to start? What to buy? If the idea of wearing an insanely printed 80s jacket or a fully sequined dress is too much to handle then stick to the basics. Start by building your vintage collection with perhaps a vintage denim shirt, a pretty floral dress, a nicely worn leather jacket, a printed silk shirt, a leather pencil skirt or a cool vintage tee. These basic pieces will help you to familiarize yourself with wearing vintage and help to build a really great wardrobe that can easily be styled with other pieces.

6. Mix Vintage & New
If you want to wear vintage but you’re worried about looking like you stepped out of your grandmother’s closet, a good tip is to mix and match your vintage pieces with your new, contemporary pieces. If you’ve found a beautiful bohemian 70s maxi dress, update it with a new denim jacket and sandals. Maybe you’ve found an amazing 80s sequin top but you want to dress it down with a pair of new denim shorts. Or you may want to style your new skirt with a vintage handbag and vintage sunglasses. The key is to mix it up with basic pieces like jeans, denim shorts, a striped top or a white shirt. Don’t go too overboard in the one outfit if you’re not used to wearing all vintage.






7. Be bold & daring
So if being safe and sticking to basics is not your thing and you think you’re ready to take on the idea of vintage clothing then go for it! Seek out something that is unique and that reflects your personality. A statement jacket or bold necklace or some brightly coloured cowboy boots are the perfect starting point. If you’re going to go all out try to make that one piece the standout piece, team it with basics or black and white for the right look.

8. Accessorize
A good rule when wearing vintage clothing is to make sure it’s styled with great accessories, and this can mean using new or vintage accessories. I can’t begin to describe how much a simple belt can update a look or give you more shape, especially with a vintage dress. Try adding a bit of character to your handbag and tying a vintage scarf around the handle. Or you might even like to give yourself a new look with a pair of vintage sunglasses. So many simple tweaks can be done to keep your whole look interesting and new.

9. Visualize
More often than not you can get caught up in the hype of buying vintage because there’s only the 1 item. You can end up buying pieces that don’t necessarily suit you but you just ‘had to have’. Take a step back and really visualize whether or not that piece will suit you and if it’s the right style. Do you already have something similar? Will it go well in your wardrobe? How easy will it be to style with other pieces? These are a few questions you should ask yourself before that impulsive urge takes over.


10. Be confident! 
Remember to style your vintage with confidence and a smile! Be proud that you’ve chosen to wear something unique and different as opposed to what everyone else is wearing. I can guarantee you’ll get the most comments and compliments when you’re wearing vintage.

So.. Are you ready to be a vintage young lady? Send me your picture wearing lovely vintage outfit :)


12 May 2013

I Won't Give Up (On Us)


I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, 
still looking up.

09 May 2013

Little Happiness










14/04/13
Happy Birthday Indraaaaaaaaa!!! I'm so happy that you've turned out 20. You're an adult now. 
Welcome to the real world. I wish you plenty of happiness, love, joy, dreams, laugh, prosperity, and cheer :)

07 May 2013



You can't deny the feeling that you feel. The old habits are the one that make you who you are right now. I secretly wanting to believe that memories are beautiful. And every good times and bad times are lessons that we will never ever, ever forget. My first and only mistake, you.


I'm in the 4th year of my college now. I can't believe it.. I'm going to finish college in no time guys. I'm excited yet scared too. But no, I'm waaaaaay excited. The scared thingy is just a little feeling that came up everytime I thought "Wow another 3 months and I'm going to stand in Graha Sabha wall, wearing kebaya and jarik, and I got my S.Sos (ameeeen).." but yes, I'm excited. I can't wait for my real life. I know it's too much ya. But hey, you got to be excited about something in order to get the energy to face the things you gotta face, right? So yes, I'm so busy with lots of college stuff, skripsi. God, life is hard.

So many things happened. Every thing changes so fast. Everything is a blink ahead. That's one thing that I learn most of all. Appreciate anything, I mean, everything that I got now. I'm trying to find my happiness now. Never thought it'd be this hard lately. I spend my days trying to hide the dizziness in my head. I laugh, I scream, I make jokes. Sometimes it helps, but the moment when I'm alone, they are come: my bad thoughts, my sadness, my guilts, and the silence strikes to my life again. I can't fake it if I'm writing it. This is a one chance where I can put all out my feelings, I can say whatever I want about how I feel, and if anyone ever read it, I don't mind. I'm fine with it. Maybe, just maybe...

Happiness is not easy to find. That's the first thing I found when I'm trying to find it. The more I try to find what happiness is, the more sadness got in to my head. It's a mindfuck thing, I know. But at least I'm trying. I'm happy for what I have and what I am living for right now. My life is not perfect but it's enough. Blessings come every day. Therefor, I'm hoping that happiness is not far away to reach.

Bitterness always caught me in the right place and time. Like this exact moment, when I'm writing this, I am desperately listening to John Mayer' songs. Blues always has its own ways to make me suffer. I hate it. But I'm enjoying it too. You know how the say "feel it, don't run from it, for what you feel now will not come back again" I'm trying my best to do that. I don't want to run from what I have to feel. I promise myself to feel everything that I need to feel. Just like dealing with the problems that I have to face. Is it because of love? Or simply because of life? Or is this the part where happiness strikes me at my lowest point? I don't know. I don't want to know. I'm just gonna enjoy this moment while it lasts.

I'm planning about something right now. I'm excited but I feel very bitter. Empty. Remembering all things happened last year, I want to make things right again. I have to make it better than the last.




06 May 2013


Contro i difetti del vicin t'adiri, e gli stessi difetti in te non miri.

Forget other faults remembering your own; Forgive and forget.

05 May 2013

MAD MAY


It's May! Gosh, time really flies so fast. I'm not ready yet to welcome this new month. The last two weeks have literally been filled with enormous excitement and pressure. So many tasks and I have just been totally distracted by college stuff and the final project, which is good yet tiring and need full concentration. It successfully gave me a massive headache and I got stressed out sometimes. The paper was not going well. I got stuck on the few part, didn't know what to do, and it felt like I want to scream out loud like 'AAARRRGGHHH WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOO'. Skripsi really made me crazy.

But I finally made a decision to change the subject, which is easier and more interesting. Thank God I finally found a way.

This month I have a big project with boyfie. He started to make his own business in clothing industry. And I helped him a little. We also planned to make a culinary blog. So exciting, but also quite nerve wracking. He's working so hard on this and I hope he'll made it. I know God will bless him and his new project.

Last April was a very hard month for me, I guess. But we all have our ways of solving problem, to stand again after falling and learn from it. Another thing? Your life will be changed, once again.